Conversation 102: Keep the Communication Coming

About a year and a half ago I started going to a gym. After I made some acquaintances, I realized that when people spoke to me, I felt stronger, the exercise was easier to do. I share this because there is a reason for conversation. If you are alone, it can make you stronger. It works for me literally and figuratively.

There are many possible reasons why you spoke first in a situation: 1) a simple gesture of friendliness with no future expectations; 2) a tentative feeler to see if a future relationship could develope. In the former situation, you probably made the other person's experience of the moment positive. Yes, I know that it is not a bid deal, but you made a positive impact. In the latter situation, this is a person that you expect to see again, and you will guage whether or not you will continue -- and possibly increase communication.

Now that you have initiated a conversation, keep the ball rolling -- that is the next time you see this person, she should receive from you a greeting -- "Hi!" and a smile. "Hello" works, too, as does a wave. Don't worry that you have started, now, two conversations. Don't get caught up in the idea of I spoke first last time, so this time, the other person has to speak first. This is your time to be communication-generous. You may graduate to the How-Are-You? greeting. Yes, I know that most of the time, when people say this, they don't really want to know how you are doing. But, somewhere along the way of your conversation journey, admit a weakness, an imperfection: "You know, I just realized our professor was in my traffic school class last weekend." You have admitted having been given a traffic ticket (an imperfection.).

All the books on conversation say to ask questions. Those books are right, of course. Make your questions safe and easy, especially in the beginning stages of getting to know someone. To a classmate, "Do you remember when the group project is due?" Save the what-do-you-want-out-of-life questions for much later.

If you have good visual memory, use it for the basis of a comment: "That's a nice haircut!" And if the other person has a pet, well, often people will have pets just to get others to talk to them! Give them what they want: "Gee, that is a beautiful dog!" but only say it if you mean it.

Now, to develope a conversation friendship may take weeks, but that is all right. You have time.